September 23, 2014 by evelynso
Lack of blog post is never a good thing, except in the case when one turns to blogging only when one’s frustrated, sad, and stuck.
Therefore, happy to say, I have made much progress in the Eating (Disorder) department in the past few months, so much that I preferred to experience, as opposed to simply writing about, my newly-learned gastronomic aptitude.
However, as the mind-to-keyboard channel was neglected, dust, rust and countless unidentifiable substances started clogging up my system. Hardly noticeable really, until I found myself with 2 consecutive nights of binge-ing.
Time for some house keeping.
Am I worried? Not really. Since mastering Intuitive Eating (maybe “mastering” is too presumptuous…let’s say successfully learned), there have been fleeing moments of anxiousness when I wanted to turn to food for comfort. But, I had no desire to use food for comfort. It was the absolute sweetest and most liberating feeling to (1) feel anxious (2) instinctively think about binge-ing, and (3) automatically write that option off. No internal chatters or struggle: I was no longer into binge-ing. How about that?
It’s like I became so aware of my hunger/satiation level (physiological but also psychological) that the “bad emotions” had nowhere else to hide. I could single out that anxious feeling as something to look into, not something to bite into.
I no longer subconsciously drown and avoid the emotions. However, I had not actually done much about it either! I had simply moved from subconsciously avoiding the emotions to now consciously avoiding them (too much sleep, too much brain fog).
And that is a breeding ground for stress. No need to look further than the eruption of the following persistent problems in the past 2 months:
- Poor digestive system
- Sore throat
- Chronic fatigue (even on days with a clear mind)
- Severe acne
- Loss of appetite
- Brain fog
Stress, it really is a sneaky beast.
On a good day, you are on top of the world. For the next 3 bad days, stress starts brewing and likely multiplying deep, deep down in the core. Before you knew…well, you got all those common-yet-no-clear-cure symptoms.People said you are stressed. Your masseuse told you you are stressed. Even your doctor told you you are stressed.
And yet you are at a loss – what does no stress feel like?
Silver lining, always! Thanks to my new eating habit and established love for workouts, I can now list – yes, LIST – all the stress factors and will be able to resolve them one by one. Oh, it is a long list but at least it is a list. It is no longer a lump of “unknown” that I could not make the head or tail of.
In my next post, I will outline my plan. I have started already, but my 2 nights of binge-ing helps put an “urgent” sticker on it.
Bring it on, I am ready.